While working with some clients on their approach to relationship management recently I forecasted that, with books like Love is the Killer App (a must read) and Never Eat Alone doing so well, relationship management was going to quickly become the new vogue in leadership and personal development. We are, it seems, moving into a "relationship economy" where (as Tim Sanders says) your "network is your net worth."
You can see some of this today at Fast Company Now, where Doug Sundheim posts some tips for making the most of others:
- Go through your contacts and jot down a few people you'd like to learn from.
- Invite them to lunch.
- Let them know you'd like to take advantage of them (bet they don't hear that every day).
- Ask them provocative questions to get them to tell you their story.
- Try to leave with one or more ideas you can put into action.
All good advice. But I'll forecast what I forecasted in my conversation with my clients last week: as the compelling and useful principles of relationship development take the business world by storm, "let's do lunch" is going to be something you increasingly say (and hear).
And like all business trends, when a new cheese comes along many people's interest in managing and fostering relationships will peak and then decline. As a result, authenticity and commitment become critical: do not set an expectation of regular contact with folks in your network if it's not an expectation you plan to meet. And be aware that those with whom you seek to connect are also the subject of similar requests from others. My general guidelines:
- With the exception of people you need for reasons of pragmatism, foster relationships with people you truly enjoy. If you're trying to regularly connect with people you don't genuinely like and want to see, you won't be able to keep up the veneer.
- Be organized enough to stay in touch: depending on the relationship, you'll need to connect with someone weekly, monthly, or quarterly ... otherwise the relationship will begin to degrade.
- Realize you can't connect with everyone. Gladwell writes about the rule of 150, and in my experience that's about right: if you try to have truly active relationships with more than 150 people, the quality of those relationships will suffer. (It's like raspberry jam ... you're welcome to spread it around, but it gets thinner as you go.) Of course, you can use proxies for contact ... like a blog or holiday cards ... but they only go so far.
For years, my metaphor for relationships has been a garden. People are like flowers. Plant the garden with ones you enjoy and like to see, tend to them with care and regularity, and know you can only do so much.